Of course no one will fully understand the reasoning behind my actions, it is why I hold little hope that anyone can help me. Things have taken such unlikely and awful turns this last year, things that had I been careful and thinking like my old self, could have prevented. Yesterday a thought struck me, we as people hold no sway in the workings of the universe and often we go through life unchallenging the path set out for us much like a leaf that does not struggle against the current of a river it has fallen into.

I am no leaf, and I refuse to let the world shove me along this set path. It is not my destiny to be the one who pays the price for happiness. If happiness is not something that comes easily to me in this life, than I'm not going to sit around and wait. I'm tired of crying, tired of sleeping, and tired of thinking such hopeless thoughts.

I know that no one will understand, I gave up on that little fantasy years ago...
So now I will content myself on being the only one that sees the truth about our world and I will find my own happiness. No matter the cost.